I woke up twice this night
and walked to the window, and the lights in the window,
snippet of phrase, spoken in a dream,
nullifying, like a dot
did not bring comfort to me.
I dreamed about you being pregnant, and so,
having lived so many years apart from you,
I felt my guilt, and hands,
feeling joyfully belly,
in practice groping for trousers
and switch. And wandering to the window,
я знал, that I left you alone
там, In the dark, во сне, where patiently
you were waiting, and did not blame,
when i came back, break
willful. For in the dark -
there it lasts, what broke in the light.
We are married there, married, we are
double monsters, and children
just an excuse for our nakedness.
Some future night
you will come again tired, thin,
and I will see a son or daughter,
not yet named, - then I
I will not jerk to the switch and away
I can't reach my hand already, not entitled
leave you in that kingdom of shadows,
silent, before the hedge of days,
addicted to reality,
with my inaccessibility in her.
11 February 1971