Two to five

“In our family, – A. N. Robinson writes to me, – a good old book has been preserved “Tales of Grandmother Tatiana”. All three generations of children for half a century (my uncle, Me and my kids), knowing in advance the content of these tales, every time, when any of the adults read them fairy tales or they themselves watched the pictures, stubbornly missed (or turned over) those pages, where it is said about the death of the cockerel and the death of the gray goat”.
In the famous tale of Leo Tolstoy “Three Bears” the girl got lost in the woods, hit the bears in the house, broke their little chair, ate their soup: they were angry with her and scolded her.
Vova disliked this tale and threw out everything unpleasant from it. According to him, the story did not happen to the girl, and with him: It is he, Vova, lost in the woods and ended up with three bears. He did not break anything with them, and although I ate the soup, but immediately went to the kitchen and prepared a new portion for them – tastier and more. The bears turned out to be kind: gave him honey and apples, gave him a Christmas tree with toys, taught to shoot a gun.
in short, if Leo Tolstoy depicts in his fairy tale, along with funny episodes, sad, four-year-old child will correct Tolstoy, will erase the sad from his tale, will eliminate those places, where heroes fail, and will leave only good luck and joy.
But Alik Babenyshev expressed his thirst for an optimistic attitude towards the world more decisively and actively than anyone..
“He loves books very much, – says his mother in a letter. – He especially liked the tale of Buratino. He asked me every time, when i came home from work:
– Read it “Golden Key”.
Once I saw, that a page was torn out of the book by a very clumsy hand, all the notches stick out.
– Who did this? – I asked.
– I.
– What for?
– So that he does not offend her.
Don't remember now, which of the heroes offends Malvina there, but that page was really torn, where Malvina was offended”.
Alexander Zharov told me this episode:
Granddaughter Olenka asked her grandmother:
– tell me a story!
Grandma started:
– It was in the forest. Little kids were walking. And towards them a gray wolf…
Olya shouted:
– No need to tell!
– Why?
– Sorry for the kids.
However, and the child will treat the wolf with the same ardent sympathy, if only she learns from some fairy tale, what a wolf – innocent victim of treacherous enemies.
Four-year-old Alik Chernyavsky calmly listened to a fairy tale about an evil fox and an innocent wolf. But when he found out, that the wolf's tail is frozen and that the wolf, running away from the enemy, was forced to leave the severed tail in the hole, he was very upset at his unsuccessful and in a trembling voice asked:
– But the tail then grew? true?
– Not! – answered him. – It never happens.
– Not, increased! increased! increased! – the boy stubbornly insisted.
– No, lizards alone have tails growing back, but wolves never.
Alik's grief had no limits. He was so raging, that they could not calm him down for a long time. He sobbed bitterly and cried out through his tears:
Вырос! increased! increased!
Silly mouse in Marshakovskaya “Song about a stupid mouse” I called a cat to my nanny, and she tore him to pieces. Four-year-old Galya Grigorieva did not want to hear about this catastrophic death at first, but after a long thought she said:
– Probably, mother mouse is glad, that the cat ate her mouse.
– Why then?
– Yes, he kept beeping, cried, did not let her sleep… And now no one bothers her: sleep as long as you want. No need to get up and lull him. true? Because she got better? Yes?
So by my own means, unassisted, children at every step create for themselves the illusion of happiness and vigilantly watch, so that she does not suffer damage.
I have received a great many letters lately, confirming these my observations with dozens of examples. Nina Sokovnina (Moscow) writes me about the boy Sasha (2 of the year 8 months):
“Dislikes bad endings in fairy tales and corrects them. Grandfather puts him to bed and sings:
Ay-dudu! ay-dudu!
The man lost the arc.
Searched and did not find.
He cried and went.
– Not, not so! – Sasha objected.
– But what about?
– Harnessed the horse and went”.
Another kid, Kolya Chernous, three and a half years, completely rid this song of sorrowful lines and created this version:
Ay-dudu! ay-dudu!
The man lost the arc.
Searched and found,
Laughed and went.
The same Sasha listened on the radio “Gingerbread man” and was very happy about his salvation from the wolf and the bear. But then he heard the words: “Here is the fox “am” – and swallowed”. Sasha did not agree with this in any way.
– Not, he ran away! Here he is running, running, running – do you hear, grandmother?
Then merry music sounded on the radio.
– here you go, I told, what ran away! So he ran home: grandfather and woman and gingerbread man grabbed hands – they dance!
And he dances and claps his hands, so grandma had to agree, that gingerbread man ran home.
And again about Kolobok.
“About two years old, – reported by E. Tager, – I, according to my mother, loved the fairy tale about Kolobok very much. But I only listened calmly until then, as long as Kolobok managed to elude dangerous animals. When it came to the fox, which his “am – and ate…”, I raised a terrible cry: “Do not, do not!” – and burst into tears. One escape from the roar was to continue the tale, forcing the dexterous hero to consistently meet the lion, elephant, camel, etc., and all these meetings were bound to end with the triumph of Kolobok.
– The entire zoological garden, happened, enumerate, while you sleep! mother later complained”.
And this is what L.A. Potapova from the city of Kropotkin tells me about her granddaughter Lenochka:
“She was three years old, I sang her a song about a cuckoo, who lost her children. In words:
Lost children,
Boring, poor little, to her,
Lenochka's loud sobs were heard, and when I tried to sing the same song to her a few days later, she clamped my mouth in horror:
– Do not! Do not!
The same thing happened, when I told her a story “Teremok”, which ends with, that the bear crushed all the animals.
In the future, I already ended all the fairy tales with a good outcome.”.
The same case is reported by the writer L. Panteleev.. When his daughter Mashenka was almost a year and a half, he tried to read her a famous rhyme (translated from english):
Jenny lost her shoe,
I cried for a long time,
The miller found the shoe
And milled mill.
Masha is so strong “worried” the first three lines of this poem (“Poor girl, barefoot, naked”), that the father did not dare to read the last line – about the miller's cruelty.
“And so, – he writes in his diary, – instead “mills” I mumble something good – something like:
The miller found the shoe,
Put her on the table”.
This thirst for a joyful outcome of all human affairs and deeds is manifested in a child with special strength precisely during listening to fairy tales..
If a child is read that fairy tale, where is the good, intrepid, noble hero, who fights evil enemies, the child will certainly identify himself with this hero.
With all my heart empathizing with him every situation of the fairy tale, he feels like a fighter for the truth and is passionate about, to fight, led by a noble hero, ended with a victory over deceit and malice. Here is the great humanizing meaning of the tale: any, even the temporary failure of the hero, the child always experiences as his, and thus the tale teaches him to take to heart other people's sorrows and joys.
WE. CHILDREN ABOUT DEATH
The eight-year-old october said:
– Anya, I watched ten times “Chapaeva”, and all he drowns. May be, go with dad?
He wants to think, that the death of Chapaev – movie error and that this sad movie error he can fix, having achieved, so that Chapaev stayed alive. In the child's understanding, happiness – this is the norm of being, and that is why the tragic end of the film about his beloved hero seemed unnatural to him.
Those characters, which are cute to the child, everything in the world should work out, and in no way should be allowed, so they die, because, repeat, with them he most often identifies himself.
Amendments are remarkable in this respect, who at different times introduced two three-year-old boys into the “Little Red Riding Hood”.
One of them, Andreyka, immediately drew an illustration for the fairy tale in the form of some formless lump and explained to those around him:
– This is a stone, grandma hid behind him. The wolf did not find her and did not eat.
Second boy, Nikita (at home – China), provided himself with the same confidence in the complete well-being of the world, throwing all that out of the fairy tale, what seemed to him sad and frightening. true, the tale came out too short, but quite comforting. Kitya told her like this:
– Once upon a time there was a hat girl and went and opened the door. All. I don't know anymore!
– And the wolf?
– Don't need a wolf. I'm afraid of him.
“Don't need a wolf!” The question: can such an optimist, not accepting even the slightest mention of the fears and sorrows of life, enter into your mind the tragic thought of death – anyone else's, but to speak of my own?
If you decide to tell your child the whole truth about death, he, from the eternal childish pursuit of happiness, will take all measures immediately, to replace this truth with an appropriate myth.
Vasya Katanyan, four years, asked his mother incredulously:
– Mama, all people die?
– Yes.
– And we?
– We will die too.
– It is not true. Tell, what are you kidding.
He cried so vigorously and pitifully, that the mother, scared, began to assure him, what was she joking.
He calmed down immediately:
– Sure, joked. I knew. First we'll be old, and then we'll be young again.
In this way, he almost forcibly regained the optimism he needed.
A. Sharov in his interesting article “The languages ​​of the world” gives the following story of the teacher about the three-year-old Kolya:
– When we first went to the dacha and the teacher took the baby group for a walk, Kolya walked behind. Then he suddenly stopped and bent down to the grass. The teacher came up and hurried: “Come on, let's go!” He pointed to the dead titmouse and asked.
– Why doesn't she fly?
– Dead bird, – the teacher said and shouted: – Come on!
The boy was silent the whole walk, brooding. In the morning I woke up before everyone else. Barefoot I ran to the edge of the forest. Titmouse was not there. He came back at a run and, waiting for the teacher, breathless, inconceivably happy voice exclaimed:
– Aunt Masha! Still she flew away!..
The boy never accepted death. So he affirmed the eternity of life *.
______________
* “New world”, 1964, № 4, pp. 143.
I remember Yegorushka from Chekhovskoy “steppe”:
“He imagined the dead mother, Fr. Christopher, Countess Dranitskaya, Solomon. But, no matter how hard he tried to imagine himself in a dark grave, away from home, abandoned, helpless and dead, he did not succeed: personally for himself, he did not allow the possibility of death and felt, that will never die…” (see. WE).
A child needs optimism, like air. It would seem that, thoughts of death should deal a severe blow to this optimism. But, as we have just seen, baby wonderfully booked from similar sorrows. His mental arsenal has ample means to defend the optimism he needs.. Barely only, at the end of the fourth year, the child is convinced of the inevitability of death for everything that exists, he is in a hurry to immediately assure himself, that he himself will forever remain immortal.
On the bus, a round-eyed boy of four and a half years old looks at the funeral procession and speaks with pleasure:
– Everyone will die, and I will stay.
This childish thirst for immortality is perfectly expressed in the same story by Vera Panova “Seryozha”:
“- we, whether, we all die? [- a six-year-old asked the adults.]
They were so embarrassed, as if he asked something indecent. And he looked and waited for an answer.
Korostelev answered:
– Not. We will not die. Aunt Tosya as she wants, but we will not die, and, in particular, you, I guarantee you.
– Never die? – asked Seryozha.
– Never! – firmly and solemnly promised Korostelev.
And Seryozha immediately became light and beautiful. With happiness he blushed blushed crimson – and began to laugh. He suddenly felt an unbearable thirst: because he was thirsty even when he was thirsty, and he forgot. And he drank a lot of water, drank and moaned, enjoying. He had not the slightest doubt that, that Korostelev told the truth: how would he live, knowing, what will die? And could not believe it, Who said: you will not die!”
– Mama, – says four-year-old Anka, – all people will die. So someone will need a vase (urn) put the last person in place. Let it be me, okay?
Remarkable are those varied and ingenious ways, with the help of which the child drives away from himself the thought of death.
Self-service optimistic – the mighty law of a child's life.
Shariton's sharpener heard a song from the nanny:
And nobody will know,
Where is my grave.
And she began to sing it like this:
And nobody will know,
Where is your grave.
Babysitter says:
– You sing wrong. Gotta sing: “Where is my grave”.
– I sing like that: “Where is your grave”*.
______________
* maybe, Tatochkin's version of this couplet was also associated with the circumstance, that young children are not yet firm in the correct use of words “I” and “you” (cm. L. Panteleev's story “Letter “you”).
Grandma died. They will bury her now. But 3-year-old Nina is not too sad.:
– Nothing! She will transfer from this hole to another, lie down, lie down and recover!
The dead are immortal for the little ones.
L.M. Nikolaenko took three-year-old Marina to the cemetery and planted a maple tree on her grandmother's grave. Returning, the girl said with pleasure:
– Finally I saw Grandma Lida!
– What you, Marosha! You only saw her grave.
– Not, I saw, how she herself looked into that hole, in which you planted a tree.
A five-year-old girl came with her mother to the cemetery and suddenly saw a drunk, who walked, reeling, behind the bushes.
– And this uncle has already dug out of the grave?
Veresaev recorded such a conversation:
“- Знаешь, Mama, I think, people are always the same: live, live, then they will die. They will be buried in the ground. And then they will be born again.
– What are you, Glebochka, talking nonsense. Think, how can it be? Bury a big man, and a little one will be born.
– well! It's all the same like peas! So big. Even taller than me. And then they put it in the ground – starts to grow and becomes big again”.
Many years later, and I was told the same hypothesis, nominated again by a three year old child.
– Burying old people, – they are sown in the ground, and from them small ones grow, like flowers.
Younger preschoolers see death as sheer pleasure.. Volik asked about some dead man:
– And on what did he go to be buried?
– You saw, how do they bury.
– This is when they ride a horse in a box? Yes?
Pity the dying – not a child's business.
– I will die, – mother says. – I will be burned.
– What about your shoes? – daughter is terrified (two and a half years).
Felik runs into the room:
– Mama, i want to be a cadet: they are buried with music, – and a hat on the coffin!
A funeral without music is worthless..
– Why died does not play? I want to, to die playing!
But, when “died playing”, you can stand by the window and brag:
– Soon my dad will be so lucky too!
– Nataša, who is buried?
– You will not understand: a lot of them, and everyone is moving.
Uncle Shura died. Buried today.
– And the music will follow him?
– Not, he is not a military man.
– Are you a military man?
– Not.
– And Uncle Gog is a military man?
– Not. And what?
– Hunt to listen to music.
– A boat was taken out of our house, and then another boat, there is a dead uncle in it, put it on the truck, closed by another boat and taken away.
– My grandmother will never die. Grandfather died – that's enough.
An old woman died in a neighboring yard.
– Not, old man! I saw myself, what old man! A coffin is carried ahead, and the old man is led by the arms, and he is crying, does not want to be buried.
Bury a woman. An orphaned daughter cries over her. The orphan is persuaded, for her to stop, but she keeps on crying.
– What a naughty! – Yurik is indignant and, wishing, to be praised, hurries to tell his mother:
– That's when you die, I won't cry for anything.
– Mama! The dead man went, and there is a long line behind him.
The mother of my great-granddaughter Mashenka writes:
“Here is a rough evolution of her ideas about death.. Girl first, later – aunt, later – grandmother, and then – girl again (in two and a half years). Then I had to explain, that very old grandparents are dying, they are buried in the ground.
Then she asked the woman:
– Why haven't they buried you yet?
At the same time, the fear of death arose. (in three and a half years):
– I will not die! I don't want to lie in a coffin!
– Mama, you won't die, I will be bored without you! (And tears.)
However, by the age of four she was reconciled with this”.
When kids get older, selfish concern for personal immortality and the immortality of their closest relatives begins to give way to their selfless dream of the immortality of all mankind. Ukrainian scientist N.N. Grishko told me about such a conversation:
– Mama, I will die too? – asked the nine-year-old Jackdaw.
– Certainly.
– And soon?
– In a hundred years.
Jackdaw cried.
– I do not want, mammy, die, I want to live a thousand years.
Пауза.
– I, know, Mama, I will study at “fine”, then I will be a doctor and invent such a medicine, so that people never die.
– You won't succeed.
– well then, so that people live at least a hundred years. I will definitely invent such a medicine.
This conversation is remarkable because, that in him childish egocentrism is replaced (literally before our eyes) ardent concern for all humanity.
Lyalya Zweiberg speaks for five years:
– These are the great uncles and aunts, what do they do – burial! I, of course, not afraid, not, but it's a pity – bury and bury, because people are buried. Let's go and report to the police – I'm sorry for people!
Literally the same non-personal feeling erupted in five-year-old Sasha:
– Why do people die?.. I feel sorry for. I feel sorry for all the people, and sorry for strangers: why are they dying? (F. Vigdorova's diary.)
E. Kalashnikova writes to me about five-year-old Misha, which the, hearing about the death of a friend, told one of the guests:
– Uncle, and after all, you know, die – this is very bad. After all, this is for life!
Two guys:
– Don't eat green cherries, die.
– Not, I will not die.
– Saw: yesterday they buried grandfather? When I was little, he ate green cherries – now he died.
The artist V.M. Konashevich writes about his granddaughter Alyonushka:
“Persuades me and my grandmother not to die, until she grows up: she will invent a cure for old age and for death. Because death shouldn't be”.
Five-year-old Lena promises to her father:
– I will always remember you – even when you die.
And immediately interrupts himself:
– Not, we'd rather die together. Otherwise I will be very sorry, if you die sooner than me.
Reflecting reality in your mind, child by nature – materialist. Otherwise it can not be: this is how the child is shaped by his, daily practice. Facts, given on the previous pages, testify, to what extent all mysticism is alien to him.
A child's sobriety can baffle even adults.. Is sitting, eg, three year old girl, and she has a difficult thought on her face.
– Nataša, what are you thinking?

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  1. Darina

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